Some people like to bet on things they have a solid shot of producing steady, moderate returns. They call this type of betting "investing in solid, well run companies". Other people are like me, and can think of nothing better to do with our money than risk it on utterly inane elements of our nation's Secular Holiday. Plus, if you don't happen to be blessed enough to root for the New England Patriots (or the Falcons, I guess?), these are a great way to generate some emotional investment in the proceedings.
National Anthem
Over 2:15 -120
Under 2:15 -120
This is probably my favorite bet every year. There's no sweeter music than the Star Spangled Banner, and there's no better way to get to full mast than by nailing the first bet of the night. Last year this bet was insane, when that drama queen Lady Gaga was all set to come in for an easy under victory before she decided to tack on an absurd ending. She hit the Over on her second round of "Home of the Brave":
Naturally, I hammered the under, so I was pretty ripshit. UNTIL the halftime announcement from Bovada that the official rules stated that the clock stopped at the end of the last note of the first "Home of the Brave", flipping the result. It was one hell of an emotional roller coaster, people.
This year's anthem will be performed by country star Luke Bryan, and the 2:15 length is the longest that number has been in the history of this prop. Bryan is a real pop country crooner, he loves the spotlight, and he's obviously never been told that the National Anthem is written as a brisk march. He got it done in a reasonable 2:04 at the 2012 MLB All-Star Game, but went an insane 2:29 at the opening of the Vikings new stadium in September. He was under 2 minutes at a concert in Virginia in June, but I don't think that performance at a random concert is indicative of what we'll see from him on Sunday. The guy is a shoe-in to let the cheering build with a dramatic pause before the final line, and he'll probably pull out the old "point the microphone at the crowd" move at the same time. He's going to drink in the attention in his big moment, and I'm taking the over.
Coin Toss
Heads -105
Tails -105
Some people look at the odds of winning this bet and the potential payoffs and say that it's a completely foolish thing to bet on. Others of us see it as a great barometer for how God is feeling about us.
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Tails has a 26-24 edge all time in this matchup, and while that might indicate a regression towards heads, I think the prevailing wisdom from the playground applies here: Tails never fails, Heads is for Trump voters.
I'm not going to bet on anything to do with the actual football in this game because I simply can't afford to get distracted from the task at hand. So let's skip ahead to...
Halftime
What will Lady Gaga's first song be?
Born This Way +225Bad Romance +250
Edge of Glory +600
Poker Face +1000
Just Dance +1000
Any Other Song +110
With everything going on in the world of politics and Lady Gaga's history of activism, Born This Way seems like the obvious, runaway favorite. It's a loud proclamation of support for diversity that was adopted as a theme song for the LGBTQ movement. Come on. These odds indicate that "any other song" is the favorite, which makes no sense to me at all. Born This Way will probably be the first song that Gaga plays in full. It's an obvious call.
HOWEVER:
I remember the controversy that surrounded this bet last year. Coldplay ran onto the field to the opening line of Yellow, their first and most iconic hit, but then transitioned into the more upbeat Viva La Vida. I can absolutely see the same thing happening again: Gaga rises up through the stage in a cloud of smoke, as a nod to one of her earliest hits announces her presence: the iconic, instantly recognizable "muh muh muh muh" from Poker Face. At +1000 the payoff is just too good to resist.
Will the word "Lacrosse" be said on the live broadcast?
Yes -250
No +170
This means during the actual game, not the pre-game, post-game, or halftime shows. I'm also very confident Joe Buck is aware of this prop bet. Bill Belichick famously LOVES lacrosse, and Chris Hogan starred in lacrosse (not football) in college. If Hogan scores, this is a definite yes, but I think Buck finds a way to slip in in regardless.
How many times will "Matty Ice" be said during the live broadcast?
Over 2 -110
Under 2 -130
There is absolutely no chance Troy Aikman calls him that. Buck probably does it once going into a commercial break, but I can't see it happening 3 times. Hammer the under.
What color will the Gatorade poured on the winning coach be?
Clear +300
Yellow +300
Lime/Green +300
Orange +300
Red +600
Blue +750
Purple +1200
Bill Belichick didn't receive a shower, and I'm fairly certain he has banned the tradition for anything but the Super Bowl. In fact, he avoided the shower entirely in each of the Pats first 2 Super Bowl wins, although that probably had something to do with the last second field goal nature of those games. The Pats hit him with blue after their 2014 victory, but I bet BB got pissed that it made him sticky. If New England wins, clear is the bet here.
We don't have much to go on with the Falcons either. They doused Dan Quinn with yellow after their NFC Championship victory, and it stands to reason that they would have the same hydration plan in place for the Super Bowl.
I nailed this bet with Orange last season, but that was a layup. This year is much, much harder; there's pretty good value with Blue and Red, but it usually doesn't correspond with team colors. The Pats are favored here, so either Blue or Clear is the logical choice. I'll take the value with Blue over rooting for a boring old ice bucket challenge.
